Finding Love: Chapter 10: Slutting It Up
( In the name of love, of course...)
I last left off in Chapter 9 where I talked about bush, dick pics, and kink and how they’ve contributed to the ways I’m learning about love. I’ll advise you to start at the beginning of my love affair with a pleasure dom in Chapter 5, OR, if you want to take the full Finding Love journey, start with Chapter 1.
By the end of week 3, I was more comfortably settled into my role as Baby Girl. And Daddy, well, he was dirty as ever. He loved it when I sent him little “treats”; photos of me and my naked body posed just for him…
I never thought I’d say this, but sending naked pictures to a strange man from the internet might just be the single most important thing I ever did for myself. After years of feeling insecure and ashamed of my body, I felt more beautiful, sexy, and confident than I ever had. Every night before bed, I’d pull my tripod out of its hiding place in the closet and make Daddy a treat, posing in ways I thought he’d like.
And he loved it. His praise was like candy in my veins.
It would seem that Daddy was adept in the art of seduction, especially in the niche of repressed, suburban MILFs. This man knew exactly what he was doing…
The Spankings
“When will I be getting my spankings?” I wanted to know.
“Probably some right away to put you in your place and then throughout the session.”
Teasing… “I’ve been a good girl lately, so…”
“You are my good girl. But we both know you need some discipline and need to be kept in your place by Daddy.”
Teasing some more… “I feel so bratty tonight. I’d better just put my phone away before I get into real trouble…”
“I’m going to bend you over the bed, spread-eagle, ass up, pillow under hips, your bottom facing up waiting for my paddles… think how vulnerable you will feel.”
Holy shit. That was explicit.
“Do you have a sex toy travel kit?”
“Yes, I have a travel kit that will be making its way with me - all sorts of things to put you in your place because I know how naughty you’ve been.”
OMG, so fucking hot, but also… It gave me pause.
It was beginning to really sink in that YES, this person did in fact definitely intend to meet me in a hotel downtown and do things that involved nakedness and genitals and paddles and bondage and penetration...
Aaaaand, WHAM! Anxiety: ON, Doubt: ON.
The Anxiety & Doubt
OK, wait… Back up… Paddles? What had I actually gotten myself into? Was this thing really going to happen? And what “paddles”? Just a few weeks in and I had all but mastered the art of being a virtual slut, but would I be able to back dat ass up for real??
Did I have the balls to slut it up IRL? Would I feel safe enough? Confident enough? Inspired and turned on enough?
I wasn’t sure.
But there I was, engaged in an ongoing conversation about all the slutty things I wanted to do but not totally confident that I could or would… In theory it would all be happening in about 2 weeks, but in reality, I had some doubts. I needed him to know that I was nervous. I hadn’t even met this human yet… was this insane? Was I insane??
The Connection
Luckily, I was getting good at the “asking for what I need/expressing feelings” stuff, so I decided that rather than stew in anxiety and uncertainty, I would instead take the novel approach of using my words.
I reminded him that not only have I never had any sort of real exposure to kinky shit, but I’d been celibate for 5ish years and before that - pretty vanilla… I asked him to promise he’d take it slow and be sweet.
He said he’d be sweet, but he was still filthy about it. It turned him on that I was inexperienced… He had the distinct honor of taking my kink virginity and he didn’t take it lightly. I felt reassured and safe.
He surprised me with a vulnerable thing: “I love the intimate connection we already have. It’s very special.”
He was good at sprinkling in the real human stuff when circumstances called for it.
“Do you mean that?”
“Absolutely. I hope you feel it also.”
“I very much enjoy our connection.”
“Good girl.”
Good girl fires off a treat to her Daddy, black and white, naked, kneeling…
“Such a sexy baby girl that Daddy owns.”
But I was still feeling anxious about having my particular needs met. As a highly sensitive human tryna’ slut it up for the first time in many a year, I needed proper support and preparation…I was worried I’d get overwhelmed by the voltage of the energy upon first meeting and wanted to be sure he understood what I needed.
I asked him, “Can I be in charge when we first meet? Just while I acclimate to your energy? Or.. I can tell you what I need if you prefer.?”
“Baby Girl can tell me what she needs and wants. Daddy’s always in charge.”
(holy fucking shit)
“That’s so fucking hot.”
(OMG - why was that was SO fucking hot??)
“Daddy loves BG.”
xoxo 💋
And, well friends, that was just another day in paradise for this westside whore. For weeks this went on, taking me on a rollercoaster of emotions from shame to elation. I grapple a bit with the deviant nature of it, not because I think it was bad or wrong, but because I still fear judgement.
Society hates an everyday, regular woman who begins to take ownership of her sexual prowess. She’s a SLUT. A WHORE. Her shame lives on the lips of those who gossip and judge, but I’m not having it. I won’t be shamed for wanting my pleasure.
So why am I sharing it with the internet?
Because shame can’t survive for long in the light. I mean, unless my 80-year-old parents accidentally get their hands on these stories.. That 100% makes me want to die of shame. But obviously, every day I question my judgement for publishing such intimate information on the WWW… It just feels so good to show myself, to be audaciously honest about my life and its happenings…
Look around. So much of everything - how we behave, what we feel and think - is deeply motivated by the love or the lack thereof that we’ve had in our lives. I don’t expect everyone to understand, but if someone wants to judge a bitch for slutting it up in the name of ELLE OHH VEE EEE love, then oh fucking well.
That said, no matter how someone might perceive this particular affair, I hope that they can relate to my need to give and receive love. And how good it feels to be myself without collapsing under the weight of judgement or expectation…
Claiming pleasure with little to no regard for other people’s opinion? Now that’s what I call slutting it up.
Stay tuned for Chapter 11.
